I am a combat war veteran and I can tell you that war is not easy. I learned firsthand what is it like to feel like you could die at any moment. The one thing that I was not expecting was for war to be so boring. When I was first deployed to Iraq, I felt like I was going to be fighting in a war. However, I realized that I was soon to be sitting on a dessert for an entire year not going much of anything. My life as a soldier became boring. I worked twelve hour days and saw no sight of going home. Even though my orders said that I was to be deployed fro an entire year, I knew that this could change at any moment.
When I realized that I could literally be deployed to the dessert for the next twenty or so years of my life, I realized that I had no way out. This made me feel like I wanted to commit suicide. The feeling of not being in control of your life will often make you feel like you want to take it. The idea of committing suicide while I was at war crossed my mind several times a month. I can understand why some soldiers have killed themselves and why the pain of being away from family and friends hurts so badly. I was in their shoes and in the same conditions.
I would wake up everyday to hot weather and not being able to connect with my friends and family. The dessert is boring. There is not much to do there except to hope for the best. When the government tells you that they can change your orders at anytime, it can give you a feeling of despair. I know that I was scheduled to go home in December of 2003. However, my captain told us that the orders could change to going home in 2004 or even later. Basically the military owns you and the pressure is overwhelming. When you are in a situation that you feel like you cannot get out of, it will cause you to think bad thoughts. You will often feel like you want to kill yourself or find a way out. Usually suicide is the easiest thought that may come to you. This is mainly because there is no way to get out of a military contract. Even if you go A wall, the military will catch you and harsh sentences are given to soldiers that abandon the military in times of war. It is important to remember that when you sign up for the military, you are giving up all of your constitutional rights. This means that you no longer have freedom. The military literally owns you. They can do with you what they like. This is how soldiers go the name GI. This stands for government issue. You are no longer your own person because you are the property of the United States government. Living the life of a soldier at war is boring. If you are not mentally strong enough, then you can find yourself breaking down into sadness. It is important for a soldier to go through counseling with a chaplain or psychologist when feeling down. Never let depression get to you. Talking out your problems can help you to stay alive. I have been there myself and can tell you that you will go home eventually. Don't give up!
